Crises of Belief
vsiv316Prayers: 0Requests: 1
March 16, 2016 at 4:02 am
Hey guys. I’ve been listening to you off and on for many years now, and about six months ago almost entirely on. I’ve been through the Bible many many times on my own, but having an Audio Bible like this is super useful to me right now. Being able to see something of a community like this behind it is even better. I’m starting to recognize some of the voices.
Some of you are so cool, I just love to hear you talk and pray.
“In the Name of Jesus” “Allright Holy Spirit, let’s roll!” and…like everything that Blind Tony ever says.
You guys are good, great, and awesome and even though I have a serious prayer request here, I just really wanted to say all that.
For myself, I have a great prayer request for a group of strangers who pray and follow God. It is about a crises of belief I am having.
Born to blatant neglect and subtle abuse, I’ve have a rough time my whole life. Not as rough as most overseas and not as hard as many Americans, but more frustrating in a way. Not that I am without sin or fault; but I have literally done my best all the time, made no large mistakes, and been more capable than most around me all my life. I made the sacrifices, the hard choices, but was never blessed to the extent of those around me that God blessed. In fact, I have attracted great strife in my life from many sources since the beginning of it. Yes, the Christian life is not meant to be without suffering, and there is probably a sin of jealousy in me, but these things do not answer my current trouble. In my mid age, the same recurring nightmare from my childhood of dying alone and penniless seems to be coming true.
For most of my life I’ve struggled with that, but following some extreme financial trouble that was literally never my fault over the last couple of years, it is testing me badly. I have stopped giving money back to God, as I am beginning to feel on a deep level like He’s not been faithful to me. I’m having a very hard time trusting God because of all the hurt He has allowed to happen repeatedly and how I seem to be on an inevitable course of spending my whole life alone and penniless despite doing the right things. This is hypocrisy on my part, a tension I can’t live with yet haven’t found the way. I’m not ready for “Though he slays me, yet I will trust in Him” which seems to be what He wants from me. Also, I wonder how this sad and frustrating life of mine can really be a testimony to God.
My friends and church know this story and have seen it happen. There’s something to be said for having gratitude and many coping mechanisms they bring it but I’m still living with the occasional nightmare of what will seem to be my life story and I still suffer through a life which over all I would rather have never lived.
This is a tough one, and I have adapted to much that it really is my lack of ability to tithe that is bothering me here as opposed to depression (which I have learned how to cope with). So I bring it to you, a praying group of strangers.
Sorry for the novel, and the complexity. That’s just kind of me.
Your good, your great, your awesomejtylerk9Prayers: 1512Requests: 6
March 17, 2016 at 9:09 am
Only God knows why. He challenges us all and only gives us what we can each handle.
“In this world you will have trouble. But be encouraged! I have won the battle over the world.”
John 16:33b, NIrV
Don’t give up on Him. God will never give up on you.
I’m praying alongside you.
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