I give up, I humbly and sincerely want to die
tenkai82Prayers: 6Requests: 14
January 1, 2023 at 8:12 pm
I’m Justin, from North Carolina. Some of you maybe familiar with me. I often posted several paragraphs about my life story, particularly about my suicide attempt and how I Iost my beloved spiritual couselor to stomach cancer and never got over it. I don’t feel like getting into all those details now. I just want to be blunt. I’m 40 years old and I’ve been seeking the Lord since my mid-teens It’s been 12 years since my first suicide attempt and after fighting and fighting and fighting and fighting and fighting and fighting and fighting and fighting and fighting and fighting and fighting and fighting and fighting and fighting “THE GOOD FIGHT OF FAITH” I’m right back in this deep dark place again! I feel like a LOSER. I feel ABSOLUTELY WORTHLESS TO GOD. Don’t waste your time telling me that’s the enemy talking, I JUST DON’T BELIEVE IT ANYMORE!!! I’m falling apart. I’m becoming much more hopeless, discouraged, weaker, fatigued, forgetful, clumsy, more vulnerable to enemy attack. Scripture says the Lord will give me rest if I seek him. But I’m still battling the same burdens I’ve have for over 10 years. I became O.C.D. out of nowhere, dunno how or why me and it makes life SO MUCH MORE COMPLICATED. I have a gastral intestinal issue brought on by extreme emotional stress called SMAS (Superior Mesenteric Artery Syndrome). So I suffer very often with irritable bowels no matter what I eat. I prayed for a financial blessing, to at least be debt free but I’m still falling further and I even had to pick up an additional job to try to off-set my finances but it’s killing me. I wanted to marry right out of high school and prayed for a wife <<<< A HELP MEET >>>> But here I am, 40 years old, remained a virgin the whole time and it’s torture. My life has NO PURPOSE OR MEANING. I always knew what I wanted out of life, my passions, what I hope for, what my dreams are, my heart’s deepest desires and most importantly what kind of person I want to be. Then I WORKED AND PRAYED AND WORKED AND PRAYED AND WORKED AND PRAYED AND WORKED AND PRAYED AND WORKED AND PRAYED AND WORKED AND PRAYED AND WORKED AND PRAYED AND WORKED PRAYED for it. But after all these years……I have nothing to show for it but the pain, blisters, scars, fatigue and brokeness that it caused. In fact, my burdens are heavier than before and I don’t have the strength of my younger self anymore. One thing I find INFURIATING is that I keep losing people ALL THE TIME!!! Every time I make a new friend who I feel close to, share common perspectives and just feels refreshing and comforting to be standing in their presence…….then they’re gone. Like ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? The most recent was one of my co-workers from Venezuela, very hard working and such a good soul. He found out his wife was cheating on him with another worker from our crew and he immediately moved to Florida the very next day…….I CAN’T KEEP A GOOD FRIEND!!!!!!! Now, I JUST HATE LIFE SO MUCH. And if personal struggles weren’t enough, I have to deal with toxic people. They said you attract what you put out. THAT IS ABSOLUTE UNREALISTIC 100% CRAP. I am KIND, HUMBLE, SELFLESS, CARING, GIVING, THOUGHTFUL, CHARITABLE AND VERY DEEPLY LOVING SOUL. And I’ve been this way basically my whole life. Yet somehow I keep running into hateful, spiteful, lustful, drunk, inconsiderate, 2-faced hot-tempered, profane, toxic, bullies. Then there’s the toxic Christians JUDGEMENTAL, SELF-RIGHTEOUS, DISRESPECTFUL, HYPOCRITICAL, MISLEADING, CONTRADICTING Christians who lack compassion, humility, understanding and belittle your life your experiences. These are the type of Christians that made me stop going to Church and I REFUSE TO GO BACK. I listen to my audio bible very frequently and try to think soak it in but I don’t feel myself getting closer to the Lord, when I need him most. There’s a difference between living and being alive. The world we live in today just suffocates and I think that’s the reason why suicide is such an epidemic, IT HURTS!!! I saw a new report of a young college girl, stressed about exams and peer pressure and who knows what else. She comitted suicide and left a note saying “I didn’t mean to die, I just wanted the pain to stop.” A recent study said that in the U.S. somone comitts suicide every 11 minutes. Among them are some notable celebrities like one of my idols since childhood, Jason David Franks, from the hit tv show Power Rangers and he was my favorite, THE GRREN RANGER. He was so popular and was adored by so many fans and I missed out on an opportunity to get his autograph when he was here during a comic convension. So it’s not just my own suffering that makes me hate life, it’s the hopeless vibrations I feel in the air because I think so many people are giving up and taking their own lives. I have crying spells all the time now. I recently had a crying spell while I was driving that was so bad I almost wrecked my car. When I’m at work, at the airport, where I spend at least as many as 16 hours in a day, I often think about jumping off the top off the parking deck. It’s a very long drop and I sometimes go up there and just stare down to the ground, thiking about it, contemplating it. I wish I could feel the Lord’s presence right now. Scriptures says “God’s word will not return void.” Yet I feel so depleted, like there’s this big gaping hole of emptiness in me and as hard as I try, I can’t heal from it. The spirit of the Lord…..I just don’t believe he’s here…….I just don’t believe I matter to God, and why should I? What’s special about me?……nothing……..SadiPrayers: 1Requests: 2
January 1, 2023 at 8:46 pm
Justin, I wish I had answers. I’m struggling in similar ways with my faith, if not quite to the same degree. I’m praying God brings us both answers and hope. In the mean time, know you are hard, and someone cares.SamanthaLFoltzPrayers: 1Requests: 0
January 1, 2023 at 9:06 pm
First, I am so sorry you are going through all of this! I hate that you have had so much pain, loss and suffering. I understand that you don’t feel like you matter and I have been there. I suffer with anxiety, panic attacks and ocd myself. I often do not feel like I can trust my own thoughts. This brings me to Jeremiah 17:9 this tells us The heart is deceitful above all else. And I believe you are dealing with that. I am not just saying pray it away. I believe God has also given us tools to deal with these things like drs and counselors and it sounds like maybe those things would be beneficial to you. Also I think of the writer of lamentations he said “My soul is bereft of peace; I have forgotten what happiness is.” Then shares his only hope. “But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: the steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, His mercies never come to an end. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. “The Lord is my portion” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in Him.” If you have Christ you will always have hope no matter what your feelings or thoughts tell you. I am praying this truth comforts you and that you can continue pressing on with scripture being your guide for truth.goingupsoonPrayers: 16000Requests: 859
January 1, 2023 at 9:25 pm
Hi Justin, glad your still here and posting again. Not to sound crewel brother, but it is a bit curious Justin that there are at least 92 times that I counted where you used the words I, my, myself, me, my own, or I’ve in your above statement. Not one time did I read where you said anything about what God thinks, or might think about you or your situation. It’s all me, me, me. I, I, I. Brother, I challenge you, count the times you mention where ME etc., etc., etc. for yourself, and you’ll see what I mean. Not to be rude, or judgmental but, it sure sounds like to me that your thinking a little to highly of yourself. And that you have you on your mind, way to much. I believe that you’ve become self absorbed, and that in part is hindering you from receiving anything from the LORD. Dabber friend, We can all, if we’re not careful, place our selves in a higher place than God. That’s called idolatry. God’s very clear the He will not be pleased with, or tolerate anything that we esteem higher than Him. Justin, just trying to help, and speak the truth in love. Please pray about it. Hopefully there will be others who will share their in sights with the goal of helping in mind…
Praying the Holy Spirit 🕊 leads you into all truth.
In JESUS name. Amen! ✝❤rsmrt1996Prayers: 1Requests: 0
January 1, 2023 at 9:45 pm
Dear Lord, I humbly come before Your throne tonight and I praise You that we can bring our requests to you. Please God, comfort Justin right now! He is struggling and You know His heart and everything he is dealing with. Help Justin to sense Your presence and know that You will help him through this. I pray that You will help Him realize the high value he is worth and all the plans You have for him. In Jesus’ name, AmenForevergratefulPrayers: 5Requests: 1
January 1, 2023 at 10:05 pm
Jesus is listening.
I pray for your inner peace in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Amenspiritdoc1Prayers: 21374Requests: 1691
January 1, 2023 at 10:13 pm
Praying🙏🏻AvPrayers: 107Requests: 18
January 1, 2023 at 11:11 pm
First off, I’d like to give you an imaginary pat on the back for being so strong. I’m not good at giving advice and I came on here to ask for prayers against depression myself so I’m just asking God to help me say something useful to you.
You are worthy. You are worthy because God made you, because Jesus died for you, and because God has a purpose for your life.
I do know that this world can generally feel so hopeless and filled with evil, but I have chosen to live by Philippians 4:8 “whatever is true, whatever is honorable and worthy of respect, whatever is right and confirmed by God’s word, whatever is pure and wholesome, whatever is lovely and brings peace, whatever is admirable and of good repute; if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think continually on these things [center your mind on them, and implant them in your heart].” I have noticed that choosing to focus on the things of God over the things around me lifts my spirit. It may also be useful to take a break because you seem overwhelmed and find healthy coping strategies for stress like exercise and mindfulness. You may already have tried all these things, but I would encourage you to try again.
I also pray that God will reveal Himself to you in a new way, in a more intimate way. That He will give you peace that passed understanding and guide you to the purpose he has for your life. I pray that God will surround you with the people you need in Jesus name. Amen.tenkai82Prayers: 6Requests: 14
January 1, 2023 at 11:11 pm
@goingupsoon Well…..I came here for comfort, compassion and to maybe not feel alone but now after reading that, it feels worse. That does sound very judgemental. I guess you skimmed across the part where I said I’m SELFLESS, CARING, GIVING, THOUGHTFUL, CHARITABLE. I very frequently give money to the homeless people standing on the corner. There were times I gave the last bit of cash in my wallet. Though it is dangerous, I have given complete strangers a ride when they claimed to be stranded. I also set up for $5 to automatically come out of my paycheck to go directly to both United Way and The Fellowship Of Christians and Jews. Then $30 a month goes to a child in India named Srijata Mondal that I have sponsored in the last year. When I go to the Whole Food Store, I always round up to the nearest dollar and sometimes donate extra to the Whole Kids Foundation. When people express an interest in something that I happen to own but don’t REALLY need, I give mine away for free, like jewelry for example. At the airport where I work, I have often bought work cloths like utility gloves and jackets. I NEVER accept money for these deeds either. Not sure if this matters to anyone but when I’m at work, at the airport, whenever I see frogs, turtles, praying mantis or beatles on the ramp, I always pick them up and move them to safety so they don’t get run over by our equipment bc I love animals. So to call me self absorbed really does hurts and I find it very judgemental. As someone who has attempted to comiit suicide, I know how comments like that can easily push someone who is already on edge. In this suicide epidemic we’re living in, I think it’s extremely important to be careful of the things we say to one another, especially when you do NOT know their heart the way God does……..goingupsoonPrayers: 16000Requests: 859
January 2, 2023 at 12:37 am
Justin, I have no intention of pushing anybody over the edge as you put it. To the contrary, what my point was, it would serve you better, or anyone else for that matter, if you spent less time focusing on yourself and your own problems whether they’re real or perceived as real. And in stead focused on what God says and thinks about you. I agree with the wisdom that has been shared by the DAB family that one of God’s solutions for living a life that is spiritually and mentally, and I might add, physically healthy is to “Think” on right things (Phil. 4:8). My hope was, to give you something to consider.
I know from my own personal experience Justin, that one big way the enemy of our souls attempts to control us is by him convincing us that we are the center of the universe, and the whole world revolves around us. If he can get us to be constantly looking at ourselves and our own problems, then we will have a hard time seeing God working in our lives. I know this because, I was deceived in this way. The devil used to lie to me constantly that God was no where near me. And that He didn’t want anything to do with me. Same thing that you posted here Justin. Brother, I bought into the devils lies and for many years was self absorbed and I believed that people were against me, that were talking about me behind my back. Basically, I believed the enemies lies that the whole world was against me. All I could think about was me, me, me, everything revolved around me.
It became so bad Justin, that I too was convinced that the world would be better of without me being around. I also couldn’t understand why I was having such a difficult time finding the God that I kept hearing about. I thought a lot like you, that I was a good person who looked to help others when I had the rescores to to so. So I like you described, went up to the tallest building in my home town and looked over the edge contemplating how it would feel when my body hit the ground. Needless to say, and I believe that God had His hand on me. I didn’t jump that night. I struggled for a few years wondering like you if God really cared, then why wasn’t I experiencing Him like other people that I knew were. During this time, I attempted to take my own life three more times. Once by hanging myself in my mothers garage, “I was very closes in succeeding here.” Another time by drowning myself in our built in pool. And the last time by slitting my wrists, which had my sister not found me when she did, I would have succeeded.
Brother. All I’m trying to relate is, the enemy will do everything in his book to take us out. One of his tools is to get us consumed with ourselves, I know, I’ve been there done that. My prayer Justin is that you don’t give up. And that you seek God and ask Him to help you to get you off of your mind. And that God grants that you see Him for who He really is. If I had known this, that there is a real devil, and he was deceiving me by getting me to focus on me. I would have been spared many a hardship in my life. God dose think very highly of you Justin, even if for now, your having a problem seeing that He dose. It doesn’t change the fact, that He loves you with an everlasting love. And brother, I love you too. I mean you no ill -will. Forgive me if I said anything that I shouldn’t have. My sole purpose was to provoke you to think. And that maybe you’d look at your situation with a different perspective. I’m praying for you Justin, as I have been for quite some time. I pray there is a day soon coming, where the light goes on as it did for me. And you see things with unveiled eyes. I’m asking in the name of JESUS. Amen! ✝💓carebear826Prayers: 63Requests: 53
January 2, 2023 at 6:01 am
Father God, I know that my words cannot help or guide this man, but Your words, Your love, and Your Grace. I am asking,Lord, that You provide comfort and encouragement, through Your body here on earth. Put people in his path that will reflect Your perfect love. Allow the curtain to be pulled back slightly so that this man can get a glimpse of himself as You see him. If only a glimpse, he will see his tremendous value, beauty, and purpose. Father, of all creations You have made, we were made in Your image, through Your perfect love. Make this man truly understand that You do not make mistakes, do not stop loving us, even at our worst, and do not leave us, even when we feel most alone. In those times we may not see You because You are behind us, holding us up, since our strength and faith has failed. Father, continue to hold up this precious man, and bring him to a place of peace and true comfort, as only You are able to provide. Amen.Echo HopePrayers: 31Requests: 7
January 2, 2023 at 6:18 am
I love youtcookuabPrayers: 1039Requests: 22
January 2, 2023 at 6:33 am
Justin, I pray for His Mighty Strength of Discernment and Revelation, to come to Justifying Grace to Glory, Protection (sin- happiness, and life-joy) for [He] has given us understanding and insight [progressively]…to come to know better…by spiritual law of eros in Christ Jesus, come to Justifying Grace to Glory by the Spirit of Victory-in His Son, the Spirit of the Lord- in Mighty His Name…
Woe, I pray to have (charging) The peace-loving (oath) of Charging Complete Freedom: I pray that you Know Our Creator, The One, Father and Know how much He loves His Son and Know By The Source by oath you made to Him: to come ‘humbly and sincere’. The Life- Delivered by Faith into Divine Love; Hope into Divine Honor- to place confidence in Him, and trust with confident expectation of His gentleness and greatness, choosing Godly solutions to problems- including one’s ability to one’s skill and/or good judgment in the use of resources.
The Governor of God, who Glorifies The Holy Spirit, to Transmit The Word Of Grace…
“[For it is He] Who delivered and saved us and called us with a calling in itself holy and leading to holiness [to a life of consecration, a vocation of holiness]; [He did it] not because of anything of merit that we have done, but because of and to further His own purpose and grace (unmerited favor) which was given us in Christ Jesus before the world began [eternal ages ago]. [It is that purpose and grace] which He now has made known and has fully disclosed and made real [to us] through the appearing of our Savior Christ Jesus, Who annulled death and made it of no effect and brought life and immortality (immunity from eternal death) to light through the Gospel.” 2 Timothy 9-10
The Paraclete of God, who Glorifies The Trinity, to Glorifies His Fear of the Lord….”Guard and keep [with the greatest care] the precious and excellently adapted [Truth] which has been entrusted [to you], (by the [help of the] Holy Spirit Who makes His home in us).” 2 Timothy 1:14
We pray for your complete healing, In His All-Powerful Name, Amen!!!kklitzke4Prayers: 3Requests: 0
January 2, 2023 at 7:40 am
Fix your eyes upon Jesus – that is my prayer for you…look full into His wonderful face…then the things of this earth will seem strangely dim…in the light of His glory and grace! Lord, may You work miraculously in Justin’s heart and mind, I pray!From Junk To TreasurePrayers: 626Requests: 29
January 2, 2023 at 8:09 am
Justin, I fully understand what you are feeling, every thought and emotion except the suicide attempts. I’m in dire straits myself. I have no answers nor any good advice, as too, I have often said don’t give me quotes from the Bible when I’m not seeing them move or work in my life. I can’t get the problems fixed I already have and more just keep happening to me. but here I am at the DAB. and here you are at the DAB. There is still in you at least one little teeny tiny sliver of faith that brought you here for us as your global campfire community to read your desperate words. so I will lift your name to the Throne of Grace. Father God your child Justin is suffering. send a Legion of your ministering spirits to comfort him. let there be a SUDDEN MIRACULOUS turnaround in his life. let it be a magnificent move of God that plugs the dam of tears and causes laughter of joy beyond comprehension. deliver miracle answers in a dominoe affect. bless him with abundance in every area. turn his morning into dancing. Holy Spirit don’t let the adversary take another child of God. let there be a wonderful testimony from this test in Justin’s life. I’m the name of Jesus Christ Amen and amengoingupsoonPrayers: 16000Requests: 859
January 2, 2023 at 11:16 am
PSALM 145:18, ESV
“The Lord is near to all who call on Him,
to all who call on Him in truth.”
PSALM 34:18, ESV
“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted,
and saves the crushed in spirit.”DariusHouseBillsPrayers: 9612Requests: 818
January 2, 2023 at 11:22 am
Praying for the Holy Spirit to help you live life. It’s a new year. Fill your heart with praise snd positive vision. May God lead and guide you GCOGA 🙏hervorsabinaPrayers: 12Requests: 2
January 2, 2023 at 11:44 am
dear Justin. ihave heard and “seen” you. know that you are not alone. i have had similar thoughts and feelings as you. and still have from time to time. if we were sitting in the same room I wouldhave givin you a realgood hug. then i would ask you to take a deep breath. and say: my dear brother.try to stop trying. i know… how do we do that right? youre situation is very stressfull andyou mustbeextremely tired. and somehow… i wush for you to imagine taking all the worrie, burdens, troubles, suicid thoughts, good doing,all the trying …just everything. imagin you put it in a bag. you dont need it. imagin that you give it to Jesus. andtakea deep breathe. anddoit again if you need to. this will notsolve youre problems, but it might help you to rest. I think God wants you to rest…stop trying. i know this seems strange. but try it. iam praying for you and have some thoughts about practical things that might help. but it just advice…no presure. tell me if you want them❤️ my dear brother….God loves you. you will get throug this.beverly.grantPrayers: 256Requests: 2
January 2, 2023 at 11:53 am
Justin In Psalm 18:28 ~ The Lord my God will enlighten my darkness – The Lord Will shed light on your path, which would otherwise be dark: will impart light to your understanding; will put peace and joy in your heart; will crown you with His favor; Also Psalm 4:6 says, ~ There are many who say, “Who will show us some good? Lift up the light of your face upon us, O LORD!” . . . Lord, Justin come before You today in need of Your healing hand. In You all things are possible. Hold his heart within Yours, and renew his mind, body, and soul. In Jesus ‘Name, I pray Amen!hervorsabinaPrayers: 12Requests: 2
January 3, 2023 at 4:23 am
hiJustin. thinking about you and praying for you❤️ how are you today. i dont know what will help you today. but i heard this song this morning and feltlike Ishould send it to you. all you need when you need it – laurenTalley. give it all to jesus even though you tried to do it before. do it again. srop trying. it isokto be tired and have no strenght. with fatherlylove❤️OvercomerPrayers: 94Requests: 31
January 3, 2023 at 5:42 am
Justin, I echo all prayers here. Praying for healing of your weariness and for companionship! God, send your angels to comfort Justin bring god people into his life. Lead him to an awesome church where good people outweigh the bad. Check out my church… http://www.churchofthehighlands.comOvercomerPrayers: 94Requests: 31
January 3, 2023 at 5:47 am
I also have a book that will change your life…. My pastor wrote it: Out of the Cave by Chris Hodgesmamoose1970Prayers: 88Requests: 15
January 3, 2023 at 5:59 am
People are temporary, people are human and can fail. God never fails, he is always there, always the same, always right, and the ultimate counselor. I truly believe sometimes God doesn’t want us to become more dependent on a person than Him. Open yourself to Him and see is loving ways Amen! ❤️🙏❤️Humble PiPrayers: 295Requests: 16
January 3, 2023 at 7:03 am
Hi Justin. Praying for you. Know that the patron (s)aints for suicide are Judas Iscariot and King Saul… one was single and the other had many wives but both were not ruled by the Holy Spirit, but rather other spirits… and took the gift of life God had given them… and surrendered to self… we all have choices of who we will follow. Remember Jesus’ parable of the talents? Don’t bury your talent. Moses’ ministry began at 80 and he figured he was out of the race after he murdered an Egyptian and hid the body. It wasn’t… God still called him and used him… and Moses wrote a good chunk of the Old Testament… brother… choose life. Eph 5:14b-17 ““Awake, O sleeper, and arise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.” Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.” It ain’t over until the work is done. Let Jesus say when, “It is finished!” He can be the boss or you can be the boss. We can only pick one. Your choice matters and the fruit of your choice will be evident for eternity. Praying you choose wisely.C.J.M.Prayers: 9Requests: 2
January 3, 2023 at 9:41 am
You are not alone & I know God will take care of you! He is speaking to you right now thru these ppl that DO love and care about you! It is my 1st time here & I have felt much of what you say…it can be such a cold and lonely place in this world, I have a resource for you if you really want help, this man can help you, he was at the point of no return & IS a walking miracle. Please help yourself & know that God will lead others toward you if you will let them!! I pray you will get the help you need Amen https://www.daveroever.org/
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