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Back to Prayer Wall

Prayer for my mind

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  • April 7, 2017 at 6:01 pm

    I’ve been sad for as long as I can remember. Nothing terribly traumatic has ever happened to me. I was born at a bad time in my parents relationship and you could say I was a surprise. My mother had always wanted a boy and she already had two girls and was desperately hoping I would be a boy… another surprise… it’s a girl!!! My father didn’t care what it was as long as it was healthy. Unfortunately, my became very physically ill after giving birth to me. She spent a good six month after I was born in and out of the hospital. Our nanny and my dad were the ones that took care of me during this time because she was too weak. It seems that her pregnancy with me was the catalyst for her condition. She was an amazing woman in that she was very strong, funny, sociable, generous, just a real fire cracker. She didn’t take any mess from anyone. She always got what she wanted because she worked her tail off for it. She was the youngest of 14 kids. She got little to no attention for her alcoholic parents. She worked all her life. She loved kids. I say this to explain that she was a damaged person. So when she did what she did, it was because she didn’t know better and because she really thought it was the best thing. She did the same to the 3 of us. Except my sisters were stronger. They broke too, but were able to put themselves back together again. Me… not so much… but I think its because I was already broken. I was born that way. She called me “inutil”… its the spanish word for useless…. i didn’t know what that meant until I was a little older. But she called me that everyday of my life. I never seemed to do anything right. My oldest sister is very much like her as in very social and fun. My other sister is a go-getter and always on the go just like her. I was just the opposite of her. I was quiet. I like being alone. I didn’t like parties or dressing up. I was a homebody. She hated that. She wanted me to be more fun. So I tried but I failed at it… pretty bad. I wasn’t very impressive. I was academically smart. But that wasn’t what would impress any of our friends or family at the time. In short, she would remind me often of how “useless” I was, to try to get me out of being who I was. However, all it seemed to do was cement it into me. I’ve been through many ups and downs. And through them all I’ve had only one constant, one rock. God. My beautiful Lord Jesus has always been by my side. I’ve had suicidal thoughts and plans but praise God… I could never go through with them. I was finally in a place in my life where I felt I was finally finding my place. I had put everything in its place in my mind. My mother passed away 9 years ago. I forgave her long before then. Not that she ever apologized… but I understood why she did what she did. My life is wonderful now. I have 3 beautiful kids and the most wonderful husband in the world. I get to stay home with my kids, which is something I always wanted. I didn’t even think I could have kids and now I have THREE!!! I have great church family. My sister lives like 10 mins from me and we talk every single day. When my dad comes to town he stays with me, which I LOVE!!! I have a beautiful home. And I have an awesome minivan!!!… that’s right… I said minivan and awesome in the same sentence. But I feel like I’m falling apart. The sadness has completely enveloped me. I’m taking several medications. But I’m still struggling. I just started listen to the DAB this year. I listen to everyone’s prayers and I pray along with all of you. I feel connected. I’m not comfortable calling in. But I still wanted to share my story and most importantly ask for prayer. I’ve been asking God to take away this thorn from my side for about 30 years. But it seems His answer is, ..My grace is sufficient for thee: for My strength is made perfect in weakness.

    April 7, 2017 at 6:09 pm

    Please, quit the medications, they won’t help, I was taking depression meds myself after a suicide attempt and they brought about their very own set of complications. I quit abruptly, against the phsyciatrist wishes, but I wanted to face my life with a completely sober mind. I was in a mental hospital for a month and saw people on several different medications and to me they were only making them worst, sobbing uncontrollably, depressed, anxious, and on top of that the financial burden of all this treatment. Your best bet sister is to face this sober of all drugs and let God help you. Depression is often onset by our life and things people have said or done to us, believe my I have to fight this wicked spirit constantly. I pray you can do as you’ve said “my strength is made perfect in weakness. God bless.

    April 7, 2017 at 9:24 pm

    My dear sister,
    You are fearfully made, God has loved you since the time he formed you, you are so precious; each and every hair on your head is known by God, he has written you on the palm of his hand. You are like a jewel in his crown.

    Your strength comes from God, listening to the daily audio bible each day will give you strength, but you also need Joy, search and seek songs of worship to our God, see how your soul is lifted, may be God is saying come closer to me, I want to change the relationship we have to a new level and as it changes life will be made better even still, remember he is your Heavenly Father and I believe he wants to know you in a new way.

    I believe it is possible to reframe things that make you sad or look differently at things, ask God to help you to see any situation that makes you sad in a new light.

    Remember your post on here will allow God to speak to you in different ways, watch and see how other intercede for you and experience the power of prayer. Give thanks to God because I believe as you look to him, worship him in these coming weeks you will indeed see him in a new light and see the love he has for you surround and uplift you.
    God bless you – keep posting on here and we YOUR family will pray and pray and pray.
    In JESUS mighty, wonderful and powerful name I pray for you 🙂

    April 7, 2017 at 9:40 pm

    Dear Sister,
    When praying I felt that there was a block, like a wall or something stopping you getting closer to God. I can’t see what that is but I think it can be removed by you as you seek God. Sister Shelia’s prayer and insight would be valuable when she posts.
    God bless you. Amen.

    April 7, 2017 at 10:38 pm

    Thank you, Soundyaa.
    I look at my life in a positive way. I really don’t see anything negative about it… except me. I have finally allowed myself to believe that not only does God love me, but that my husband and my sister actually love me too. The thing is that I don’t know why? Right now I feel like more of a burden to my family than any kind of help. I want to learn to like myself. I just don’t know how? But you said something…. that He wants to know me in a new way. I need to ask God about that. If that’s what I’m missing. And like you said… maybe I will see Him in a new light as well. Thank you. Really…. that’s very hopeful. I was just running on fumes of hope earlier today. So again… thank you.

    April 8, 2017 at 10:28 am

    The best thing you could have done is to share your story. Just to let go and let God is a big step. I think you are such a talented woman and I know that staying at home with the kids can sometimes make you feel “worthless” but remember this is the biggest gift you can get. Your relationship with the kids will be built for life. I also was a stay at home mom and now that my kids are adults I reap the fruit. A woman at home is the most powerful tool for marriage. Never forget that.
    Please never see yourself at useless. Even if you only make food, clean the house and look after the kids. This is priceless. Keep on listening to DAB, listen to sermon’s while doing boring house jobs. This is what I do and I learn so much during this time.
    Lord thank you for this wonderful mom. I pray that she is able to take every thought captive and make it obidient to the word of GOD.

    April 8, 2017 at 7:46 pm

    Amen to the prayers above! I have sought Jesus for so many hours over this sister hence the reason I was not able to respond soon enough. Thank you brother Andy for being sensitive to the Holy spirit.

    Dear Sister,
    I thank God for you and know that God loves you very much. I will attempt to address your issue as the spirit leads Now let’s start with your 1st statement:
    “I’ve been sad for as long as I can remember. Nothing terribly traumatic has ever happened to me. I was born at a bad time in my parents relationship and you could say I was a surprise. My mother had always wanted a boy and she already had two girls and was desperately hoping I would be a boy… another surprise… it’s a girl!!”

    Now I need you to understand why you have been sad for a long time.
    1. When you were born and your mother saw that you were a girl, she directly/indirectly rejected you. A child even while in a mother’s womb can sense stress of the mother so as a child out of your mother’s womb one can sense whether or not their mother accepts them or rejects them. When a child senses lack of acceptance or love then they are likely to be oppressed by rejection which in itself is NOT from God. Such a child will grow up feeling like that don’t amount to much.- We call this the spirit of rejection ( we shall address this)

    2. When your mother called you “inutil”( useless ) that made you literally believe that you are useless. The words that our parents use can either build us or destroy us. This made you feel like you are not deserving of anything and this has followed you from your childhood: now let us see how this has manifested . Look at the statement you made above to Brother Andy “Right now I feel like more of a burden to my family than any kind of help. I want to learn to like myself. I just don’t know how?” – We call this a spirit of Worthlessness ( we shall address this)

    3.By you being called useless continuously set in the spirit of suicide . Note:Rejection led to unworthiness and finally the spirit of unworthiness led to the spirit of suicide but Thank God you did not yield to this.

    4. Finally with all the chain of events that have occurred you are now being overwhelmed by the spirit of sadness.

    Know that we have a God that can redeem you. A God that can restore all the years that the locusts have stolen.
    Thank you for forgiving your mother even without her asking for your forgiveness. Know that God wants to set you free from the chains of Rejection, Unworthiness, Depression/ Suicide and sadness. Jesus sees your pain and I feel it now my sister , it is too deep to express in words. Please do the following:

    1. If there be anyone that has wronged you please completely forgive them and release them in the name of Jesus ( we all as Christians have to do this )
    2. Repent of all your sins known or unknown( we all as Christians have to do this )
    3.Know that God accepts you , sees you as worthy, wants you to have joy and is willing to restore all the years that have been stolen from you.
    4. Know that you were not an ” accident baby or surprise baby” You are a child that God wanted to come to this world
    5. Say this ” You spirit of rejection , unworthiness, depression, suicide , sadness and any other spirits that have followed me all of my life I renounce you , bind you , paralyze you now in the name of JESUS! You will NO LONGER have a say in my life ! Get out of my life right now in the name of JESUS ! and never return again.
    6. Say this ” Lord Jesus please send your ministering angels to capture any wicked forces that have kept me sad all my life. Please protect me and my loved ones. Please set me free completely! Please remove all this overwhelming cloud of darkness in my life ! I nolonger want to feel useless! Unworthy! Sad! A burden to others! I know Lord these feelings obviously don’t come from you so I am asking you Lord Jesus to rebuke Satan for he is a LIAR!
    Thank you Lord Jesus because I know right now that you are setting me free from the top of my head to the souls of my feet! I release every one that spoke negatively in my life! I forgive them all Lord Jesus because you forgave me 1st and died on the cross for my sins! Thank you Jesus because from now on I will walk in freedom! I will not listen to the lies of the enemy because Lord you will mute, deafen and blind all wicked forces around me so that that they will have NO say in my life. Thank you Lord Jesus for you setting me free indeed!!

    Amen

    6. Remember to put of the full armor of God daily ( Ephe 6:10-18 ) we wrestle against wicked forces -This is very literal and true so please use the full armor daily to shield yourself from the enemy
    7. We love you and will keep praying for you sister .

    Please play worship songs as suggested above -also one that will help a lot is this song- “Oh the Blood of Jesus it washes white as snow” – play this continually and trust me you will see a difference because the blood of Jesus is too powerful for any wicked force of the enemy.

    Be blessed
    Yours in Christ Sheila

    April 8, 2017 at 9:41 pm

    Amen Sister Shelia. Your words sanctify they are so important.

    Remember also that God made you perfect for you family, you are a blessing in their lives, you were chosen for them because of who you are. You are special.

    April 8, 2017 at 11:33 pm

    Thank you coetzeehelga, Brother Andy and especially Sister Shelia. All that you said was absolutely right. I prayed just like you said. I think I’m going to have to repeat that prayer a few more times. When reading ” I release every one that spoke negatively in my life! I forgive them all Lord Jesus because you forgave me 1st and died on the cross for my sins! Thank you Jesus because from now on I will walk in freedom! I will not listen to the lies of the enemy because Lord you will mute, deafen and blind all wicked forces around me so that that they will have NO say in my life.” I got to the part about forgiveness and although I was reading, my mind started thinking… yes, you forgave them but that doesn’t mean what they said wasn’t true. You are still dumb, ugly and useless. Which made me completely gloss over the most important part about the Lord muting, deafening and blinding the wicked forces. I didn’t acknowledge that part until I read it again, out loud. Thank you for this. I will start to listen to more worship music. I don’t normally listen to music at all…. except for nursery rhymes and Disney movie scores. But I will set a time in my day to do just that. Again… that you DAB family.

    April 8, 2017 at 11:41 pm

    Dear sister,
    You are very welcome. Please come back anytime and we shall pray for you,I will keep praying for and know a good report will come!y May God bless you and know that God loves you.
    He will set you free indeed ! No weapon fashioned against you will prosper.
    To God be the glory!

    April 11, 2017 at 12:27 am

    Julybarr you are a Gods blessing. Through the storms of early childhood you became a beautiful, strong woman, wife and mother. Thank you for sharing. I am praying and believing that you will be free of this sadness.

    April 11, 2017 at 3:19 am

    Julybarr, you are not alone in any of this. I am going through a very real struggle and understand the depth of despair you feel. Remember satan seeks to kill, steal, and destroy. If he can’t kill you he will steal your joy and destroy your life. But praise God he has already overcome satan and he is already defeated at the cross. Just 3 months ago I had loaded a pistol and was about to put it in my mouth and pull the trigger. But by the grace of God and I mean that in a very real way because I feel it was literally Him preventing me from doing it, I stopped. I had to make a choice that day and that was to recognize that I was under full attack. After I understood that the Lord gave me the tools to fight back. Every time I felt like that I took the time to pray and press into God. I read my Bible and screamed out loud to the Lord. We have had some very real and very hard conversations. I refused to leave that place of prayer and time with Him until the Holy Spirit ministered to me. Sometimes it took hours others the relief came quickly, but that depth He took me to was amazing. So my prayer for you is that the Holy Spirit will be so heavy upon you that truth and love will fill every part of you being. The truth is that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. God knew you in your mother’s womb. That is the truth He wants you to live in. The lie that the enemy wants you to believe is that you are not good enough. He has been whispering that to you for years. Sister no more, that is not the truth. I pray that you are loosed from these lies that are meant to destroy you and I pray that you are tied to the truth and love of Jesus. One of the best things my neighbor told me as I am going through my own struggle is to practice being thankful. I spend many hours in prayer and strive to find things to be thankful for. It will change your life. If you can, pick a book up called “One Thousand Gifts”. Don’t ever give up. Ever!!!

    April 30, 2017 at 2:51 pm

    Good morning family… just wanted to thank you for your prayers. I’ve been struggling this week. I haven’t had a suicidal thought for over a month now. YAY!!! But, the sadness is still there. If you were to see me, you would think that I was 100% me, again. I stay very upbeat and happy. Always a smile. I don’t want to say the smile is not real… because it is but not completely. I’ve been thinking a lot about what sheila said… about the rejection. No one rejects me today. I can’t think of one really negative thing in my life right now. Yes, do the kids drive me crazy, YES! Yes, does my husband forget to do the things that I ask him to do… YES! Yes, do I not get all the things I want to get done, accomplished… YES and YES! There are negative things is my life, but the positive out weigh the negative any day of the week. Honestly. When I take a really honest good look at it. I know it’s me. I’m rejecting me. I get this terrible anxiety when I try to read my bible and pray. It’s a feeling of unworthiness, to even ask God for anything. How dare I ask for more than what He has already given me. I know that sounds crazy but that’s what goes through my mind. Then there is a feeling of restlessness. Like I should be doing something else also. Just sitting and praying isn’t fair to God. He shouldn’t be the one to do all the work. I need to get up and do something too. Maybe it’s because I don’t try hard enough… but I don’t know what to do, so I get anxious about that and it reminds of how useless I am, I can’t even help myself. Then guilt creeps in… why should I be sad with all that God has given me. There are people out in this world with real problem, like loved ones that are dying. Or people who are ill themselves and have no one comfort or help them. Or those that are being abused and just want to have a chance at life. Those that want to live and can’t. I feel selfish. So I distract myself and go do something that takes my mind off of it, like draw or make something. I think of things, like what new recipes the kids might want to try or how can I reorganize the toys or my husband’s underwear drawer. Anything… absolutely anything productive. Anything that would take my mind completely off of me.

    April 30, 2017 at 4:10 pm

    I learn today at church Psalm 1 that happiness comes from the Lord. People will never make you happy and it is not their job. God gives the happiness within us. Dear God I pray that you gives this person the happiness they are looking for and joy in their soul that only you can give to us. I pray that no weapon for against them will prosper the gates from hell will not prevail. I pray that today the will feel the joy of the Lord Jesus Christ inside their soul. In Jesus name amen.

    April 30, 2017 at 6:38 pm

    John 16:33. Our message today at our church. Continuing with prayers for you.

    May 1, 2017 at 1:40 pm

    Hi Sister,
    I believe everything you are saying and I really want you to be set free by Jesus .

    The enemy is a liar and see he is even trying to stop you from reading the bible or even pray… for a start can I ask that you please play worship music in your house throughout the day.

    The rejection my sister that you are facing is spiritual . It is not you rejecting yourself.. it is a spirit of rejection. This needs to be renounced in Jesus name! You need to be set free and live a life of freedom in Christ! You are a child of God so you can go to Him for prayers anytime.
    The enemy does NOT even want you to seek God and that is why you get this terrible anxiety when you try to read my bible and pray.

    See the enemy is making you feel unworthy and questioning why you would even go to God for anything. That feeling is NOT from God but the enemy of your soul.

    If you need to talk email me : sheila.tolson@gmail.com

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