I want to end my life, end the pain. I want to rest NOW!!!
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tenkai82Prayers: 7Requests: 18
July 4, 2022 at 4:13 amCome to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” Matthew 11:28-30. I’ve been through my entire audio bible and that’s the scripture which resonates with me most. People talk of enduring, fighting the good fight as it says in 2 Timothy 4:7, no matter how much it hurts, which sounds a bit insensitive if you ask me. Because though you may survive when the enemy tries to drain you dry, what about the toll “THE FIGHT” takes on you mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. When your gears are grinded down to nubs and don’t catch anymore AND THE FINISH LINE IS NOT EVEN IN SIGHT. I’m talking about when you get to the point where you’re so exhausted that you stop asking the Lord for the specifics and just say, “CAN I AT LEAST JUST REST?” But the pain and fatigue continues and multiplies to the point where it just feels like torture. Then you cry to the Lord, “PLEASE MAKE IT STOP” til you’re blue in the face. But the waves keep crashing, eroding your entire being and yet God is still silent and still. So next you think to yourself, “I DON’T WANT TO FEELS THIS PAIN ANY LONGER……if I die, it will stop.” My name is Justin, I’m 39 and I’ve been seeking God since my mid teens. Every Christian I know of strong faith and I mean EVERY SINGLE ONE has a testimony that made them CERTAIN that God is working in their lives. But after 25 plus years of earnestly and diligently seeking God, I have yet to see, hear, feel or experience anything I can UNDENIABLY identify as God moving in my life. I exercised so much patience and I worked and worked and worked and worked and worked and worked and worked and worked and worked and worked and worked and worked and worked and worked SO VERY HARD to bring all my hopes, dreams and desires to fruition, all good things. I also always knew EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED IN LIFE and I was always specific and consistent in my prayers. But throughout my life long search for God I’ve been bombarded with attacks and they don’t come one at a time. I get hit from ALL SIDE in ways that afflict me in ALL FACETS OF LIFE, mentally, spiritually, physically, emotionally, financially, environmentally, socially and so on. In September of 2010, when my body became gluten intolerant, my family home was foreclosed, friends began to disappear out of my life, I was still single, I was still a virgin with a porn addiction, I developed an extreme case of O.C.D. and my dysfunctional family made me feel worse. BUT MORE THAN ANYTHING, I wanted a wife, a “help-mate.” That was my #1 biggest dream, just to be with the one I’m crazy in love with for the rest of my existence, my soul mate. And I can’t even put into words what I put myself through just to be in position to meet her. I went to gyms, bars, clubs, restaurants, libraries, bookstores, coffee shops, grocery stores, pet stores, nature trails, theatres, birthday parties, cookouts, fireworks, swing dance, concerts, conventions, charity events and I work at the airport, THE AIRPORT, FOR 18 YEARS!!!! And the dating site, HAVE MERCY I tried so many dating sites. I was always told by people who got to know me that whoever she was would be the luckiest woman in the world because of my character. I’ve also been told by many that I’m good looking too. I mean my heart is overflowing with love and I want SO BADLY to have a female companion to share it with. All the guys I knew growing up were just chasing tail, all for lust. But even they all eventually got married and had children who are in college already. Even the guys who were trouble making playboys, NOT the settling down type became husbands and fathers. But I kept my virginity, got teased about it, GOT ACCUSED OF BEING GAY OR A PEDOPHILE because I was this attractive, nice guy who can’t get a girlfriend. I’m EXTREMELY FREINDLY, outgoing, approachable, courteous, well spoken, affectionate, thoughtful, helpful, patient, level headed, fun, kind hearted, open minded, conversationally skilled and VERY ACTIVE. Eventually I gave up my search, started to believe the universe just wants me to be alone, accepted the idea that I’m just not meant to find love. Wow……….all the women on this planet and I only wanted JUST ONE. Yet here I am, nearing the age of 40 and NOT EVEN AT LEAST DATING SOMEONE!!! There were many other things attacking me too but those listed above were the heaviest. There were no Christians in my life to talk to, no one who had the love, compassion, empathy, humility, understanding and sensitivity that I desperately needed. I had already seen several therapist and the ONE that I really liked, Mr. Hungerford who was like a spiritual Christian counselor with a bachelor’s degree in psychology. Mr. Hungerford was so soft spoken, so understanding, people gravitated towards him. After our first session I felt so relieved to find someone I could talk to who I could trust with everything I was dealing with. A few weeks later, I was informed that Mr. Hungerford was diagnosed with stage 4 stomach cancer and immediately became too sick to see patients. He died later that year, I was devastated and I became angry and bitter with God. “HOW COULD HE TAKE HIM AWAY WHEN I NEEDED HIM MOST?” I thought. I was also wrestling with thoughts some Christians planted in my head that I might be demon possessed and the worst part about that was THEY COULDN’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO OR WHERE TO GO TO GET THE DEMONS OUT. Then I became bitter and untrusting of Christians as a whole and refused to ever go to Church again. With God still silent and still, in September of 2010 I decided I was going to attempt to kill myself. I bought a box of sleeping pills and during the night while my family was asleep I I sat in my closest, pitch black darkness and dead silence. I prayed to the Lord to give me a sign as He did with every other Christian I met at their lowest moment. I waited at least an hour, silent still and dark. After that point, I felt God had forsaken me or wasn’t even aware of my existence. So I swallowed all 30 pills and drank them down with wine. It only landed me in the hospital on suicide watch for a week. When I got out I thought things would get better because they say your big break comes after you hit rock bottom but things actually managed to get MUCH WORSE. “This can’t be real, did I die and go to hell?” I asked myself. I’m a giving, thoughtful, selfless, humble, compassionate, loving caring, kind, considerate, mature and hardworking man, so why do I suffer like this? I still kept seeking God after my suicide attempt. Even when I denounced God for a short while, I still felt compelled to go back though up until this very moment. But today, with this continuous flurry of punches aimed directly at me, I fear my faith has run out. I feel completely burned out in all facets of my existence. I have a full-time and a part-time job. I prayed for an enormous financial boost so I wouldn’t have to work harder than already do and feel even more depleted than I already am but that didn’t come so I had to picked up another job and beat my body to a pulp. Having to work twice or 3 times as hard than before I cried out for healing IS NOT my idea of “rest from my burdens.” Sometimes when I’m at work, feeling so sleepy, with aching pains all over, I have to sneak out and go hide in a corner somewhere and just cry. I saw a news report about a young girl who committed suicide. She was overwhelmed trying to finish college among other personal struggles. She wrote a letter saying, “I didn’t mean to die, I just wanted the pain to stop.” I cried when I heard that because I know exactly how she was feeling. We live in such an insensitive world, including Christians. They tell us to have faith, be patient, and endure but when you’re in agonizing pain, you can’t just pretend it doesn’t hurt. Pain is pain and when it doesn’t go away or even began to heal, WHAT DO YOU EXPECT US TO DO? Especially when the Lord is unresponsive and you don’t receive any signs of deliverance to come. And if spiritual warfare isn’t bad enough, I have the misfortune or just extremely bad luck of always running into the most TOXIC PEOPLE who for whatever reason ALWAYS get put in my path, people who for whatever reason want to just TARGET ME. And I did nothing to provoke them, I keep my eyes ahead, mouth shut, minding my own but they still find me. I’m like a HATE MAGNET……why? It really drains my spirits. It makes me feel like the enemy is ever so present but the Lord NOT. They always say that you attract people who are like you. Well my life experiences DEBUNKED that theory. I’m FAR too kind to have to run into so many toxic people. All I want to do now in life is rest but life won’t let me. Which is why I REALLY want my life to end now, I don’t want to be here anymore, I’m too tired to keep fighting this fight and feeling no REAL PROGRESS, NO FRUITS OF MY LABOR. I asked God millions of times for healing, for rest, FOR A SIGN. I honestly don’t want to seek God anymore nor do I want to listen to my audio bible because it just makes me hurt inside. PLEASE DELIVER ME IMMEDIATELY!!!!
spiritdoc1Prayers: 40262Requests: 2394
July 4, 2022 at 5:43 amPraying with you🙏🏻♥️🕊
sea_sun_wavesPrayers: 10Requests: 4
July 4, 2022 at 9:56 amHi Justin,
I can tell you’re in a lot of pain, and I want to acknowledge your pain. I struggle with depression, too, and it feels like this long, pitch-black tunnel that never seems to end no matter how long you walk. Spiritual warfare is a tricky one with depression. You literally DO NOT have the strength to fight. You’re exhausted. Drained. Empty. I see you bring up the word “rest” a couple of times. That’s exactly what you need. I know your pain seems overwhelming, but please do not end your life. Do you know the story of the prophet Elijah? I keep coming back to it, because it brings me comfort. He was so depressed that he asked God to take his life. Instead, God sent an angel to bring him food and water. Then Elijah rested. When he woke up, the angel fed him again, and Elijah was refreshed enough to continue his journey. God gave him exactly what he needed to keep going. Nourishment. Sometimes when we’re in a lot of pain, we beg God to give us what we think we need to end it – a spouse, more money, a job, and even death. But He knows better than we do.
It’s very difficult to feel like God is with us when we’re in the throes of depression, so I resonate with you. Cling to the little faith that you do have. It’s your lifeline. I still don’t understand it myself. Some people have such a transformative encounter with God, and I don’t know what that feels like. But I press on, because I believe Jesus is who He says He is despite that. I pray the same for you. I love you, brother in Christ. You will get through this with Him by your side.
Father,
Please give Justin rest. You said that You will abide in those who abide in You. Remind him how precious his life is in Your sight and that You are with him in the midst of his pain. Bring people in his life that will lift him up. Please show up in his life in a new way.
In Jesus’ name,
Amen.Livin forgivenPrayers: 2410Requests: 16
July 4, 2022 at 11:18 amLord, Justin feels like he is slipping down a cliff of despair. Please hear his desperate cry for help and answer. Lord, grab his hand, lift him up and place his feet on solid ground. In his dire and hopeless situation You are his only hope. Thank You Lord. Amen.
Jonah 2:1-2 NIV. From inside the fish Jonah prayed to the LORD his God. He said: “In my distress I called to the LORD, and he answered me. From the depths of the grave I called for help, and you listened to my cry.”
Justin, call out to the Lord. If you can only call “help” He will hear you.dmayojrPrayers: 2Requests: 0
July 4, 2022 at 11:19 amJustin,
I just prayed for you.
I understand what it’s like to be in pain, to suffer, to be angry and wonder why God isn’t helping. If you accepted the Lord as your Savior, He is living in you yesterday, today and always and He will never leave you or forsake you. But, we need to understand that this life is His plan, not ours. There are many times that His plan makes no sense to me and I don’t like it and it seems like I’ve just been abandoned and He isnt listening to me, nor answering me. Listen, sin is in this world and bad things are going to happen to us, they just are. Our job is to remain faithful and weather the storm, even if the storm seems neverending. Keep your faith. Get mad when you feel mad, God understands. Talk to Him, tell Him exactly how you feel. Keep H.A.L.T in mind: Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. When those feelings are effecting you negatively, you won’t function properly. You have to make sure you’re giving your body proper nutrition. Sounds simple, but if you’re not feeding yourself, your mind is going to go in a bad dorection, trust me, I know this. Angry: there seems to be people persecuting you…..pray for them, forgive them, love them. Lonely: Justin, you have spent so much time and energy trying to find a wife. Take that same energy and time and put it toward finding Jesus. You dont need a wife right now, you need to strengthen your relationship with Jesus. Also, take that time you spent on trying to find a wife and give back to others that need healing, maybe worse than you. There are organizations through churches and other places that need help. Nothing lifts you up more than helping others less fortunate than you. It renews you. But you’re giving that time to the Lord and others and you do it out of love for Him and others. I got involved in a human trafficking organization and I love the cause and hate the sin we’re fighting against. I’ve met some great people, some loving Christian people. Giving back is important Justin. I didn’t really buy into the whole giving back, but when I did it out of true love for the Lord, I started feeling very different about it and my soul started feeling renewed.
Tired: yes Justin, you need rest my friend. If you’re not sleeping you’ll never feel refreshed. If you’re having problems sleeping, I would talk to my family Dr, maybe they can help. Continue your prayer for rest. Tell the Lord about the scriptures you’ve read about He will provide rest and tell Him you need rest and can’t get it. Tell Him that you are surrending everything to Him, giving all your pain and priblems to Him, because you know that you cant do it yourself, you NEED Him to do it for you, you NEED His help. Repent of any sin in your life and turn away from it, be obedient in your walk with Christ. You cant be perfect, none of us can, but be obedient and continue to grow as a Christian. Jesus WILL be with you. He is with you right now.
I love you brother, keep your faith in Jesus, even of sometimes it is the size of a mustard seed, hold onto it. God has a plan for you brother. You may just have a testimony here that you will someday share with many people that saves their lives and leads them to a relationship with Jesus. Focus on Jesus Justin, focus hard. It’s Gods plan, not ours. We don’t understand it and often disagree with it, but the God of the universe and all things knows exactly what He is doing and why He is doing it. I have a lot of physical pain in my life that has caused emotional distress and I know the feeling of bombardment, just one thing after another. Doesn’t seem fair to me, why is this all happening? I don’t lnow the answer, but I know God is with me through the valley and I know He forces me to take another step when I dont want to. The Holy Spirit lives in me, I feel Him directing me, even of it’s something simple like, you NEED to go make a sandwhich, because you havent eaten all day long and you can’t properly function this way. Even though I just dont feel like I want to eat and dont have the energy to go make sandwhich or anything else……. I do it, because I feel the Holy Spirit telling me to and it always helps amd allows me to settle down, think more rationally and rest better. I try to exercise 4 days a week to release nervous energy and take care of myself amd that allows me rest better and brings a needed calmness to me. I talk to Jesus all day every day. I honor Him, Glorify Him and praise Him in some prayers, just thanking Him for eveything in my life that I do have that is good, because He allowed me to have it. And many times, I pray and talk to Him as my best friend and pour my heart out to Him the best I lnow how to. I depend on him, rely on Him solely for everything good and positive in my life. I know things will happen in His timeing. 2 million years ago, Jesus alredy knew that I would be replying to you in this message, isn’t that crazy and hard to believe or understand? Well, I believe its true and its for a reason. You are going tonstart to turn things around today Justin. Do your part and stay focused on Jesus even when you don’t feel like it.
I love you brother and I’ll be praying for you.
DarryllivingwatersarefreePrayers: 562Requests: 206
July 4, 2022 at 12:14 pmHi Justin, there’s people here who care for you! I’ve been in a similar place myself & yes it is exhausting. I’ll keep my post brief while supportive of what’s already been said. Yes, you need rest & your faith in Christ will lead you to an inner rest. Take a moment & pause, breathe in deep & say ‘God loves me’ then exhale & say ‘I hope in God’. May I suggest today’s ‘Joyce Meyer’s devotional’. Remember, we only have one enemy & he is defeated. Exchange your fear for faith & rest in God’s love for you. He is for you & we are for you.
MarianneL1Prayers: 1733Requests: 11
July 4, 2022 at 1:01 pmHi Justin, I am praying for you. Asking the Lord to give you a time of refreshing, and rest and that He will restore you body, soul and spirit. I pray He will reveal His presence and love for you. Keep asking, seeking knocking…. We are praying in agreement that the Lord intervene in your life and you will know Him. Ps. The above posts on nutrition are very true – the type of stress you are under depletes your body of minerals and what your body needs to get cortisol levels back to normal. High cortisol levels create a vicious cycle of anxiety and sleeplessness. Which creates more stress and the cycle continues. I pray the Lord will send you to the right person who can help you with this.
sparrowPrayers: 10294Requests: 19
July 4, 2022 at 4:01 pmFather in heaven, I pray for mercy for Justin. May he find a place of refuge so he does not need to be alone. Please work a miracle and open doors to a place with peace and quiet and beauty, a place where he can work with his hands to have to give to those in need. Bless him with all the wisdom he needs to escape where he is and find You there. In Jesus name
goingupsoonPrayers: 20097Requests: 1132
July 4, 2022 at 4:54 pmPraying for you Justin that you get a revelation of the God who sees EL ROI. Praying you receive the truth of His existence into your life by faith if by nothing else. Scripture is clear “The just shall live by faith.” (Ro.10:17). Your struggle is real, no one is deigning you that but God is more real than your struggle. The Psalmist put it succinctly when penning in Psa. 42:11 NKJV), “Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? (and here’s the encouragement) “Hope in God”; for I shall yet praise Him, who is the help of my countenance and my God.” Sometimes all we can do Justin, is to make a concerted effort to “Hope in God.” I hear you, been down similar roads myself. When all is said and done, the only thing that kept me from going completely over the cliff, was to hold on to hope, — my “hope in God” that things would get better. It was my “hope in God” that brought me through many dark times. I know you can’t see it now, “I couldn’t see it then either”. But, there is a good ending to your story that can be yours, if you can only hope. And then once hope is restored, then add belief to you hope and you’ll be on your way. I’m believing you will see brighter days ahead Justin. I pray you’ll be able to say what King David said, “For I shall yet praise Him!” David many times, praised! his God while in the middle of his trouble, not after his trouble had passed. David “hoped in God” when things were their darkest, and he could see no way out. Some times we need to act the way David did. Some times we need to encourage ourselves in the LORD. The Bible says to, and it also says that it’s our praise! that brings the presence of God into our situation. “God inhabits the praises! of His people.” Justin, I can only share from my own experience. I’m not the one who has all the answers. But I know the one who dose have them. I’m praying along with the rest of the DAB family, that God restores your hope Justin. And that you come to know this wonderful God we serve. Praying if you ever had hope in God before, that it be stirred in you again. I pray God gives you hope Justin…
In JESUS holy name. Amen! 🙏💓
justified now in NCPrayers: 6Requests: 11
July 4, 2022 at 5:57 pmPapa God, I lift Justin before you now in the Name of Jesus. I join my faith with all the DAB Fam that You Lord will bring rest & sweet peace to Justin. You supply all our needs according to Your riches in glory. So by faith, Justin finds rest and peace in YOU.
God Bless you Justin. You can trust the One Who died for you to intervene on your behalf. He loves you affectionately. Taking your life is NOT the answer to life’s ills. It may sound cliche -ish, but Jesus is! Don’t run away from your answer: run to Him and allow Him to make every crooked path straight. Continued prayers…
Justified in NCKcintexasPrayers: 536Requests: 13
July 4, 2022 at 7:30 pmPraying in agreement with all others.
GCOGAPrayers: 16691Requests: 1271
July 4, 2022 at 7:58 pmDear Justin; I’ve prayed for you before. I believe this is your third post! I’m sad that you still feel this way!! I am praying that you rekindle your hope in God and not think of the worst thing to happen by taking your Godgiven precious life. I know that God loves you and HE surely has plans for you. Let hope arise Justin. Let the breeze of peace blow into your soul. God is near🙏Gods Chosen One GA🥰🙏
JoybellePrayers: 19Requests: 72
July 4, 2022 at 8:06 pmI sweet pea I love you.
JoybellePrayers: 19Requests: 72
July 4, 2022 at 8:09 pmRest your head on a pillow Christ will get you through the night
COMILLERXPrayers: 2Requests: 3
July 4, 2022 at 8:11 pmJustin, My brother, my friend in Christ. I am sorry you are feeling the pain of life, the circumstances of choices and life in this fallen world. You, my friend, are needed. One day, someone will come across your path that needs you. Someone will need your experiences, your wisdom, your faith. Turn away from worldly answers. Get on your knees and pray for peace. Know that you will save the life of another human being on day. You may not even realize it, but GOD has a plan for your life. HE gave HIS son to save you, to give you a purpose in HIS plan. Call someone, tell them your story, begin a new life today, this second, this moment. You are loved….every day…..we hear it. Listen to what I am telling you. YOU ARE LOVED!!! By me, your brother in Christ. By GOD. By this family. Choose life….for me. Choose life. I love you, go easy!
ken.terri2015Prayers: 1121Requests: 41
July 4, 2022 at 9:07 pmJustin, I too have same type story . I too took all the pills and ended in hospital etc. I too was addicted to porn. So, no what you are wondering. I will tell you what i did and what i’m doing. I gave up, even begged God to change my heart, my desires and to make it feel ok to be alone. I began reading and listening to the entire bible over and over. I considered myself already dead but I was here. ( what does that mean) well you have heard Take up your cross and follow Jesus, or have you heard/ read Die to self, well that is what you do, i am doing. I fight to forget my own wants and desires to concentrate on others needs. I go to work and help others, develop workers and help customers. I attended church and forced myself to go to singles class where we have projects to help others. I finally met a lady who was divorced who I met at church and we went to lunch, I started doing for her and we ended up married and I put all my efforts to doing for her and for my company, and we together help others. I fight the desires in my mind, I have failed time and again and embarrassed me before God. I tithe with my income. I still beg for change of heart. I found out that the struggle and the pain of me wanting to sin is actually The Holy Spirit working in my life. Know this, no pain and hurt seeking God means not that God has turned his back on you , but just the opposite. Consider this: If you did not struggle and hut over it, that may just mean that God was leaving you alone , turning you over to your desires and sins. You wouldn’t care. Remember ever time the anxiety and pain comes, you are being given a chance to choose to learn how to not sin and to put off those desires God would not want you to have. It takes a long time for God to work things out, that is called sanctification. I saw the movie The Book of Eli. In the movie he was asked what he got out of reading the bible over and over. His response was profound: Do more for others than for yourself, that’s what I see. Father, I pray for Justin, I pray for you to change his heart and do a wonderful work in his life, bring him Christian friends and a wonderful woman as a help mate and accountability partner, save him from himself and for Jesus, In Jesus’ name Amen
pattysyellowbusPrayers: 5724Requests: 53
July 5, 2022 at 8:06 amPraying with the fam for you, dear Justin.
tcookuabPrayers: 3812Requests: 78
July 5, 2022 at 9:20 amEphphatha, In Belief to Receive Your Blessing: To ALWAYS SURLY NEED HIM- My Advocate, Please help to strengthen I want to rest NOW!!! Be with us as We pray over this situation and Abba, Father please send The Strengthener.
-JEHOVAH, For The Peacemakers and yet don’t feel enough (Blameless- guilt/peace, anger/simple strength)—Protector (Mourn)
“Blessed [1) spiritually calm with 2) life-joy in God’s favor] are the makers and maintainers of peace, for they will [express His character and] be called the sons of God.“Blessed [3) morally courageous and 4) spiritually alive with life-joy in God’s goodness] are you when people insult you and persecute you, and falsely say all kinds of evil things against you because of [your association with] Me.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil: for thou art with me:
The Lord is Present! Hallelu YAH, He prays for us…The Lord is alive! My protector is praiseworthy! The God who delivers me is exalted as king! (2 Sam 22:47). He is Jehovah-Shama /sha ma/ (THYMUS- The Strengthener, Faith)—Protector (Delivers & Saves)
God, you are so amazing and wonderful- let her learn to “lean into You”. We pray in Your Matchless Name. Amen.
amwil7Prayers: 12Requests: 0
July 5, 2022 at 10:21 amI regret your pain. Please don’t!!! Seek help. You need God,s intervention and professional help from a pastor or counselor. Please go to a church nearby and ask for help. Please stay alive. Call me leave a message I will call back. 4073253934
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