Dear Catlin,
My husband and I listen to your prayer request from March 10th at the Daily Audio Bible. Your prayer request moved me so much that I could hardly sleep. I have been thinking about you and talking to God about you since then. Pardon me for my delay in correspondence.
First, I want you to know that you were heard loud and clearly. I took notes of what you stated to make sure that I got everything that you were saying. Please, pardon any errors that I have made. I believe that you said:
You are a single mother of two girls ages four (4) and two (2).
You have a hard time controlling your temper.
You are trying to teach your four and two year old the difference between “right” and “wrong.”
(I believe that I heard.)You are in trying to balance between “sparing the rod” or not which causes you to feel that you are a “Bad Mom” making either decision at the time of incidences. Consequently,
“You don’t know what to do.”
You started a job but are hardly going.
You are going to church everyday.
Yes, you have been heard Catlin .
First, thank you for your prayer request. I am glad to pray for you because I understand your dilemma quite well.
My name is Kathryn. I live in Washington also, on Camano Island.
Sweetheart. take a deep breath, maybe two and blow them out. Know this Catlin you are loved, even in your imperfection, you are loved and a child of the Most High God. He did not make junk nor did He make you to beat up yourself.
OK. the Bible teaches that the older women are to teach the younger women how to love their children and be self-controlled and pure (Titus 2:4-5).
Catlin, none of us are born with a parenting manual in hand. Don’t beat yourself up. The good news is that you realize that you have a problem. CONGRATULATIONS! Many of us don’t even realize that we have dysfunctional parenting skills and ideals until we see them mirrored in our teen and older children. It’s never too late to change. Consider yourself to be courageous in calling and asking for prayer! :-), especially now when your children are young. Kiddos in advance to you for wanting to leave a positive legacy behind for your children.
OK…Now to the heart of the matter…
Sometimes, subconsciously, people perceive children as miniature adults…able to comprehend events at the level of an adult. For example, let’s say that I had to take my children to day care at 6:30 a.m. We need to ride a bus to get there. Unconsciously, one may think that if I did the same routine over and over again, five days a weeks, that my children would “understand” that… We get up a 5 a.m.,I bathe them, fix their hair, puts on their clothes, feed them breakfast, pack a big bag of diapers, toys, other kids things for daycare……, gets on our coats, hats, etc, make sure the doors are locked and that all appliances are turned off. We walk down the street and catch the bus hoping that I have my bus pass or proper fare for the trip. This occurs Monday through Friday.
The reality is, from what I was taught in nursing school, that in “normal” , let me repeat, “normal” child development, children do NOT understand “time” like adults do (In relationship to a physical clock with a minute and a second hand) until about the age of 10 or 11. That’s when they really “get it.” Children may understand “order of events” ( For example, after I get on my pajamas, I brush my teeth.) but not “time” like an adult. So to say to a young child in the above example, “We are going to catch a bus in twenty minutes, ” and expect a child to fully comprehend what you are saying is not realistic. This is turn is frustrating to the adult if they perceive that a the child will understand “twenty minutes so I better act accordingly. The child is also confused when the adult reacts in a frightening way becoming angry with them for not doing what they want them to do. Erroneously, the adult truly believes that the child(ren) is purposely not listening, disobedient, lack intelligence or forgetful. This just an example so that you can understand what I am saying.
Catlin, my first suggestion is to understand “why” you have a hard time controlling your temper. I believe this best accomplished with an objective Christian counselor. There are also support groups for learning about anger management in or around your local. Call 211 to find out more information. You are not alone. There are many reasons why we do what we do. It is good you recognize you are doing something you don’t want to continue to do and need help changing. Reminds me of one of my favorite scriptures Romans 12:2 , ““And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.” King James Version
In the meantime, two things, besides the ultimate authority, The Bible, I HIGHLY recommend are getting yourself a Human Growth and Development book and a Child Development book. These are also available now in an audio version. Personally a hard copy of these books also includes pictures, but I understand that people have different learning styles. :-)The child development book will assist you in understanding the maturation process of what children can and can not physically, mentally and emotionally understand and do at each stage of development. In other words, what “milestones” or skills are normal at what age.
I believe that having knowledge, is very important. I also being in having this wealth of knowledge about normal child development will decrease the anxiety and frustration that sometimes comes with parenting.
Catlin, keep in mind we are under “grace” not legalism. “Perfectionism” is NOT a spirit of God! Love is above all knowledge (1 Corinthians 13:2) Currently and in the past month, in the Bible, Brian Hardin has read and is reading how Moses and Joshua retold and retold the people of Israel the Law of The Eternal God so that they would not sin against Him. I believe that having knowledge of normal growth and development with children helps educate us in knowing what stage children are at presently and prepares us with information about milestones in the future.
Parent with love and knowledge…WHAT A GREAT COMBINATION!
And on that note, lastly, I want you, if you don’t have one, get a long mirror. They sell them at the Walmart (Not promoting this store, just saying) for under $6. Obtain a long mirror to look at your entire body, important. This is what I want you to do.
First, tell yourself that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalms 139:14. In fact Psalms 139 has many scriptures showing us how God loves us in our creation.
Second, say to yourself, “I am not an accident. I was in your care before I was born.” Isaiah 44: 2
Third, God knew the number of hairs on my head before I was born. I am more valuable that a flock of sparrows. Matthew 10: 29-31
Then Catlin, I want you to stand your girls in front of that same mirror and tell them the same thing.
Lastly, get all three of you together in that mirror and instead of saying, “I” or each of them by name, say “we”. Example “We are not an accident. We were in your care Lord before we were born.”
There are so many scriptures, in fact the entire Bible is about how much God loves us and wants us to have a close relationship with Him, not a religious experience, but a real relationship.
Romans 5:8 “…but God shows His love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us…” I could go on and on.
Catlin, God has a purpose for your life. God has a purpose for your children’s lives. Exodus 9:16
I will continue to pray for your continued success Catlin.
Continue to worship the Lord in spirit and in truth. And remember you are already a winner. Gee, we are on the winning team! We got the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit…and they Daily Audio Bible family. Ha ha! Praise the Lord! 🙂
Love you 🙂
Respectfully,
Kathy