Today as I write this, I am a broken man who has lied to my wife of 7 years on a consistent basis. So many times in our relationship, she has expressed to me that all she wanted was for me to be open and honest with her. Filled with my own fear of rejection, I instead withheld information, omitted truths and outright lied to her face. The final straw for her cam at the end of the Thanksgiving weekend. We are currently separated and on Sunday morning we had a long discussion about a range of things. She said during that discussion that she was still willing to make the attempt to reconcile. She said that while her heart was hurt, in her mind she still saw our family coming back together. Later that day when I saw her, she asked me if I had had a cigarette (I’ve been trying to quit) and I lied right to her face. Moments later, she asked me again and I said yes I did. To which she responded “didn’t I just ask you that and you told me no?” The tears she had in her eyes were one of saying that “I completely killed her soul.” That I did. All because I did not want to admit to something. I never gave her the opportunity to accept me for me and be true to myself. I tried to make myself fit into a mold in order to please someone else and in the process I have completely destroyed the trust that she has in me. To make matters worse, my stepson does not want me around or trust me either. These hard truths are what I am now faced with and must deal with. While she said she is not divorcing me at this time, our marriage is one that is on paper only. The covenant has been broken and it has been through my own doing. I ask that you pray for me to deal with the internal demons that are inside of me that have made me hide my true self from people in my life. I also ask that you pray for my wife to heal from this and to forgive my sins. Not for me, but for herself so that she does not carry anger or bitterness. I still love her with all of my heart and I still hold out hope that we will one day reconcile, but that is secondary at this point. To be honest, with all I have done, I do not even feel worthy of asking for prayer in the restoration of our marriage since I have done so much to destroy it. I am struggling with the fact that God has forgive me and that he is with me. Please take a moment to pray for me as I start the difficult journey of becoming whole and living a full life. I feel as I have hit rock bottom and I do not know how to start picking up the pieces. Thank you to all who have read this and pray for me.