I need prayer for my heart today. I have been struggling with loving my husband fully, trusting God to take care of my heart, etc. I keep wondering if it is still things that are unconfessed. My husband and I have had a rough year that included my oldest doing some crazy things. Financially, emotionally, and physically we are spent. I can definitely feel like that song “Worn” by Tenth Avenue North. My husband thinks I don’t understand or care how hard he works because we don’t do or think the way he does. I am just plugging on and praying, always, for what I need to do to at least show myself to God open hearted and am asking forgiveness. During a really hard part of our marriage I talked to an old boyfriend who said he would wait for me, even when I told him I couldn’t promise him anything because I am committed to my marriage. The problem is I lost some of my heart by even engaging with him again and I) have to fight thoughts that he is there and some of the things I shared with him were not for him. I asked my husband to forgive me because it was emotionally cheating on him, which I didn’t mean to do. I realize I seem to have to keep surrendering those thoughts to God that that other guy is there, even though I have stopped talking to him and need to change my email address. I am sad that I did not trust God for my marriage because nothing changed for so long. God has asked me to speak up more and I am struggling because after what my husband said to me on Sunday I feel like my heart has died. So, I don’t know. Pray for forgiveness all around. Pray I don’t get swallowed up in all of this and God shows we what I need to change personally, and that God will show the same to my husband. He is a Christian. I am hurting, need Christ, and feel paralyzed to move today, but even sharing this has lifted some of the burden. Also, tmi, my husband and I haven’t fully been together since my 2 year old was born physically. There were periods of this before that, as well as other controlling issues, that we have had to work through. He has fears of my health and doesn’t want me to get pregnant but seems to not be able to do anything else to change this part of our marriage. I am really struggling in feeling loved by my husband where it isn’t all about what he is or isn’t doing and so want to feel Christ’s love right now. Sorry if I shared too much. I just know I need breakthrough, at least from my own heart and the depression, so I can do what is right before the Lord. Thank you.